Hello, WORLD!!
Smokkee here. I been kinda quiet on the movie review side but I haven't stopped writing. I finally feel like I reached the halfway point to finishing my first book of short stories, 'Is There A Third Option?'. Anyway, lemme got to why I decided to write this non-review post. If you're familiar with any of my Smokkee's WORLD blogs, you know I start every post with that one lone sentence at the top, "Hello, WORLD!". I been saying it so long when I wake up in the morning, I can't remember how long ago I started saying it. So naturally, I felt it's the best way to introduce something that I've wrote. Well this is one post, given the topic, that I think I might have started just a little bit different. I might have started this one like "Well, I'm almost sure they'd never have to worry...."
The reason this post even came about is the fact that Spike Lee is remaking Park Chan-wook's unclassifiable movie OLDBOY. It is one of the most unique movies I've ever seen and I'm totally interested in seeing Spike's version...just to see how Spike makes it his own or even if it's remotely possible to do that. I doubt either is possible, really. I can't even figure out what genre to put it in. Is it gangster? Hell yeah! Horror? Well, even after the umpteenth viewing the ending still gives my chills. Romance? There's a love story in here that I don't see how I can explain without giving away the movie, ruining the end, or short circuiting my mind which is still trying to compute what the ending is telling me. I get it but I don't think I want to get it, feel me.
With that said, and one of my choices for this post ( Park Chan-wook, obviously) disqualified from this discussion, here's the top 10 directors that never have to worry about any of their films being remade.
10) Spike Lee
Had to include him since he's the guy that kicked Chan-wook off the list. But think about it: can you really see SCHOOL DAZE remade? Right, me neither. Of course there may be another film based on Malcolm X but will it capture the essence of the former Malcolm Little like Spike's version? Hell no, it won't. Besides, I think if Spike hears that somebody is even thinking about remaking, say, DO THE RIGHT THING, he would blow gasket unlike any he already has. Speaking of which....
9) Quentin Tarantino
If Spike reads this list, coming behind this 'n' word loving director would have him blow another gasket. But thinking about it, I can see JUNGLE FEVER remade before anything Quentin has directed. PULP FICTION started a whole legion of filmmakers using the disjointed story telling style but none even come close to the greatness that is this movie. Not one. JACKIE BROWN, a film made to pay homage to blackpolition movies, turned those on it's ear with an involving style that I don't think any director alive today can mimic. I'm not gonna even mention DJANGO UNCHAINED or INGLORIOUS BASTERDS. These movies are boardline tactless to most people. Any director attempting to remake these movies is committing career suicide. Seriously. Only a man like Quentin can get away with it and I feel bad for any director that wanna prove me wrong...
8) Martin Scorsese:
GOODFELLAS single handedly reinvented the gangster film genre, CASINO was a genre buster as well. What really made me consider Scorsese for this list is TAXI DRIVER, one of the most complicated movies I've ever watched and Travis Bickle maybe the most complicated movie 'hero' ever. So complicated, this movie deserves a blog post of it's own (coming soon, I guess). His SHUTTER ISLAND is one of the best mind fucks of recent history and it too is also worthy of it's own blog post to discuss the ending only. I'm not gonna even bring up his take on Jesus Christ but you see my point here. No director would put out such a film even though directors have way more artistic freedom and the studios are more open-minded than they were when THE LAST TEMPTATION was released in the 1980s. What's interesting here is Scorsese himself has a couple of remakes under his belt too, 1991's CAPE FEAR and 2006's Best Picture Oscar winning THE DEPARTED.
7) M Night Shyamalan / Christopher Nolan
The one director on this list that I am the least fond of, there's no arguing that his first movie, THE SIXTH SENSE, changed the thriller game much like 1995's THE USUAL SUSPECTS did. The famous plot twist
here has been duplicated so many times, a remake would be overkill. Shymalan's career takes a hit with each movie that came after that original movie, which surprisingly still holds up. I hated to include him but nobody will remake any of his movies so yeah he deserves a spot here. But it's a spot that he has to share with Nolan, who is quickly becoming one of my favorite directors working today. It's kinda fitting that he shares this spot with Shyamalan; with the exception of the first two films in the Dark Knight Trilogy, Nolan's movies
all have a perverse twist to them as well. The ending of MEMENTO is haunting if you truly think about it and given how many people don't quite get it, yes I think it will get a future blog post of it's own or it will share one with the not-quite-similar but not-too-different SHUTTER ISLAND. Can you imagine somebody tackling a remake of THE PRESTIGE? Or INCEPTION? No? Neither can I, thankfully.
6) Frances Ford Coppola: THE GODFATHER trilogy has defined mafia movies from the time the first one was released in the early 1970s to this very day. Every mafia movie that has came out since is indebted to one of, if not all three, of these masterpieces. Who's gonna attempt to remake any of these classics? Nobody. Ain't nobody that stupid. His THE CONVERSATION, released between GF 1 and 2, is another classic and way more harder to find a genre for. One thing it has in common with the GFs is it is as equally un-remakable. If you seen the film then you know star Gene Hackmans descent into madness is almost unparallelled, partly because we're not quite sure he is mad. Then you have the ultimate war movie APOCALYPSE NOW. Imitated often, never quite duplicated and almost impossible to remake.
5) Stanley Kubrick: When you think of directors whose movies can never be remade, you MUST add Stan Kubrick to this list. His take on Stephen King's THE SHINING was remade but that was remade from the book, not Kubrick insane vision. His CLOCKWORK ORANGE could be remade, I suppose, but if it is you'll still have Kubrick's version playing in your head. Trust me. His remake of the taboo touching LOLITA is the definitive version. Jeremy Irons starred in a remake from the source material but Kubrick's vision danced in my head the whole time I watched it.
4) David Cronenberg: Cronenberg, like Kubrick, has his own defining touch of film making. You can almost tell you're looking at a Cronenberg movie just by looking at it. Almost every director on this list is like that really, which makes remakes almost impossible. Cronenberg's THE FLY, HISTORY OF VIOLENCE, DEAD RINGERS, VIDEODROME, and EASTERN PROMISES all have his signature creepiness coursing through their veins. I can't think of a director that can bring the same energy to any of these movies if a remake were in the works.
3) Lars Von Triers: One of the most interesting directing techniques of recent memory is the Dogme 95, which basically avoids using any real special effects and chooses to accentuate the acting chops of the actors involved as well as the script of the movie in question. Lars Von Triers is one of the directors that fhelped start this movement. Nevermind that MELANCHOLIA is the most beautiful end of the world movie I've ever seen. Nobody is gonna remake this movie as depressing/uplifting as this story is (it's one of my newest favorite movies, BTW). Nevermind that his THE IDIOTS is an insane (sorry) look at being insane on purpose or as politically incorrect as possible. Nevermind that his gangsta film DOGVILLE doesn't even resemble a gangsta movie, thanks to the Dogme 95 style it was shot in, even when it goes totally gangsta at the end. Take a look at a trailer for his upcoming movie NYMPHOMANIACS. Tell me you see this movie being remade. I'll tell you you're lying.
2) Wes Anderson: Think 'good clean quirkiness'. That's what Wes goes for and that's what he delivers. From RUSHMORE to MOONRISE KINGDOMS he has managed to make lighthearted rom-coms almost as sublime as they are touching. His FANTASTIC MR FOX is a kids movie that's NOT for kids & THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS boasts one of the weirdest families cinema has ever seen. Unremakable is one of the words that come to mind.
1) David Lynch: BLUE VELVET? Untouchable. INLAND EMPIRE? Indescribable. MULHOLLAND DRIVE, one of my favorite movies of all time? Undefinable. Hell, if I can find one person who's seen this movie to agree with me on what this movie is about, I'd be happy with that! Hands down, Lynch is the most untouchable director of my generation. His movies make sense only after multiple viewings. I can only imagine a director tasked with trying to remake one of these movies sitting in a screening room trying to figure out what the hell is going on first before he even attempts to rewrite the scripts.
